What to do?

How do you tell your child who is exceptional that it is ok to exceed everyone’s expectations?

Why would I be asking this question?

Well I had an interesting day yesterday; Robin my little master of the universe had a visual perceptual appointment yesterday to determine if he is dyslexic like Lance. Turns out he is disgraphic not dyslexic but that is fine. He exceeded in all things the grading level for his age range is between 1-10. A 1 having the visual receptiveness of an infant and 10 being what every 1st grader should be able to do. After that it is 2 points for every grade level.  Robin only graded low on 2 or three things one was math and the other had to do with hand eye co-ordination and visual tracking.  The rest he graded at or well above his grade. Up to a 5th grade level.  I know my son is smart but this was terrific. I have no doubts that he is able to do and understand more than anyone expects but the 5th grade level was amazing!

So why all this detail? Because the gentleman doing the testing asked Robin about reading at home he said he doesn’t read at home (BTW, not true not reading in my house is like not breathing. If you dont do it you die). When asked why he doesn’t read at home he told the gentleman that he doesn’t read so that his brother Lance doesn’t get mad at him for doing better.

Robinin and Lance are brothers in the best sense of the word. Robinw ill defend Lance to the end of time. He will fight all comers until he has wiped them out, he LOVES Lance. He will protect Lance even from himself. Begging when Lance loses control for him to not hurt himself. Lance will fight to save or help Robin. He hates when he gets picked off because he is little. He holds and hugs Robin when his feelings are hurt.  If Robin is scared or hurt, he comforts him. Saying sweet things to him so he feels better. He Loves Robin but from my point of view its conditional from Lance to Robin, not the same from Robin to Lance.  But they are still brothers in the worst sense of the word as well. They fight, they say the meanest things, and they are hurtful.  They say things to hurt each other. Something I don’t have experience with especially when it comes to my siblings.  Even when we fight now we don’t say things to hurt each other intentionally with real thought in it. But my two do.

Remember Lance is 11 soon to be 12 and has severe reading issues he only reads at a first grade level.

So how do I maintain the "superior" role of Lance as the big brother.  He is supposed to be more "knowledgeable" because of age or "experience"?  Can I do this and  still give Robin the go ahead to excel, to show the world just how smart he is? 

How do I do this and not make Lance feel yet again like less?  

How do I balance my boys, so both can feel worthy and exceptional?

How can Lance feel like he can be the big brother and not be smarter? 

At least not literally book smart because Lance is very smart in his own ways.  How do I make sure that Robin excels to his fullest potential? 

What do I do so that Robin doesn’t rub in Lances face the fact that he is better at these things. Things that Lance struggles with all the time. He will have to struggle with for reading and math the rest of his life. Having to constantly refresh and renew in his mind things that for everyone else once it is learned it’s kept in the mind and easily accessed.

How do I make sure that in a moment of anger or frustration Robin doesn’t look at Lance and say, “Ha like I would listen to you, your too stupid to even be able to read"

How do I deal with the potential Superiority / inferiority complexes that are staring me in the face? Then make them not happen!

Oh God what do I do? It’s so hard to balance the two of them.  I want them to grow up and be friends. I want them to love each other like I love my sister and brother. I want them to care for and be concerned for each other. I don’t want them to be in a constant state of competition. 

Or in a eternal power struggle. What am I supposed to do??

Any suggestions would be greatly apriciated.

Fame and Stupid Opinions

Rob Schneider Links Autism To Vaccines, Rails Against Big Government ???  (see article)http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/01/rob-schneider-links-autism-vaccines_n_1641922.html

WTF?

Who is he to say this? Where is his degree? Where is the scientific research, (ie: repeatable tests that prove the outcome)?  You want to postulate?  You want to grab guesses well here is on that is based on actual facts and backed by some actual science..

How about looking at the nuclear fallout out from all the testing and disasters of the past 70 years. the 1st Nuclear tests were done in the 1940's.  reletively close to inhabited places women of child bearing age were

exposed to first fallout, what we didn't know is it take 50 years for radiation to dissipate.

 So lets draw a time line for those who don’t know... Between 1945 and 1998 there were over 2000 nuclear tests done.. World wide, the tests are spread globally but many were close to The USA as shown in the map I will attach.
Now these women of child bearing age are exposed to radiation in larger amounts that ever before, the radiation is loose in the atmosphere and blowing around the globe, rain brings some of it down to the drinking water and still it moves less intense but still there moving globally. What dosent get washed out by rain will travle in the wind for 50 years,
These women have their first daughters and sons and we have the first documented occurrences of autism. It seems that sons are the most affected by the effects of radiation on the communication portions of the brain.  Some girls are affected but in much fewer numbers than boys. Perhaps the daughters are affected this way, girls are born with one set of ovaries and essentially a set number of eggs. Boys don’t develop sperm until they are in their teens, and sperm re-generates or replenishes as it is used. essentially the system is frequently flushed and even though there is environmental effects the buildup in the testies is less than th econstant exposure of the ovaries.  

With girls,  the eggs are exposed to everything she is, from before she is born till she hits menopause. This includes residual radiation, in the food she eats the water she drinks and the air she breathes as well as medical exposure.

Now lets call the 1940s moms Gen 1,  Gen2 1950s would be their children, these post nuclear girls were exposed in utero, the occurrence of autism rises a little more some women are more exposed  to radiation due to proximity than others but autism is still pretty rare. Gen 2 has children and they get a double banged, because they are irradiated from their mother & grandmother then environmentally. More radiation from fallout & testing that continued though the early 60’s and 70’s These children have matured and had even more children all the while autism is rising slowly still a vague syndrome blamed on cold mothers who care nothing for children because why else would they be this way?

Finally we come to the 80’s 90’s and 2000 Lets call them G4x the radiation has been quadrupled three mile island, Chernobyl and now the melt down in Japan. All forms of birth defects are on the rise and 1 in 75 boys will be diagnosed as autistic or having PDD ( a catchall for the variants of autism that don’t always fit the broad umbrella of “What is wrong with my child!”).

So In short before you blame life saving inoculations perhaps you should look at history and science that can be proven. Do I think they bunch shots too much? Yes, But that’s because I think a child’s immune system should be treated a little more gently. If My child is sick and is exposed to another cold or virus before the first is finished he will become rundown and more susceptible to more serious infections. Less is more sometimes. But I still want them to get the injections!

But then I am only the mother of two children on the spectrum, I only read and do research on the side. My first job it to make my children be the best they can be! Not some over paid actor/ comiedian piad to make an ass out of myself and putting my un wanted opinion in on somthing that is not so easily explained.

[HQ] Jim Croce - Time in a Bottle [HD]

Happy anniversary Baby 12/09/10

Is it funny Ha Ha or Funny oh no? Continued.. will it ever truly end?

Needless to say the funny ha ha or funny oh no, title is going to be used a bit.  Now, we are a very pet friendly house. We are all nature lovers, we have owned everything from snakes to birds but one pet we owned consistently from my childhood to today is fish. Currently we have three fish tanks running. One in my living room, one in my bedroom and one in the boys room. ( thankfully Lance grew out of the "lets help the fish stage")

Let us not confuse malice with a inability to express love and affection appropriately.  Lance Loves Fish. There was no malice, no mean intent in anything he has ever done to our pets. But Autism affects how a person expresses Themselves, love, fear, excitement all emotions get expressed differently than most people would expect. Autism hampers things like facial expression, touch, sensory and mental interpretation of those same things.   Lance thinks the fish are beautiful and interesting and amazing. He has told me so. Now at age 11 he is content to watch them swim and no longer tempted to touch, hold or hug them.  You may ask how do you hug a fish... Are you sure you really want to know?  Its still one of my more suqicky memories of Lances childhood.  Perhaps we will discuss the technique of hugging fish another day I am not sure I am up to recalling it today.

Now 4 was was a pivotal year for Lance it was the first year he was truly able to explore on his own. Unfortunately he wanted to be Jacques Cousteau and explore the depths of the fish tank!
As a mother there are few things that are treasured as a shower! At the time we were caring for my grandmother and between my g-mom and my son.. Well lets say showers were in short supply.  

This day I learned my lesson about showering when alone with Lance.  

 "DON'T DO IT!"

No matter how much you want a shower do not attempt it until your husband gets home its just not worth it!  I was tired, achy,  sweaty and I really, really wanted a shower. So I plotted and planned,  I took out Lances' Sit and Spin and put it in the open doorway of the bathroom.  I took out the Rolie Polie Olie tape popped it into the player and got Lance a bottle and a snack.  The Olie tape was the one where Olie gets to bring home the class fish and take care of it over the "Springy Time Fun Break." Yes to answer the question someone out there  must be asking Yes I remember that much about Olie.

All is in readiness so I tell Lance that I am going to take a shower, and tell him to stay put and watch Olie, Ill be out in a few minutes.  I am a master of the 10 minute shower. But I wanted to shave my legs and Olie is a 30 minute tape so I figured what the heck Ill shave my legs it only adds 7 minutes to my 10 minute shower and Ill be out long before its over and Lance has a chance to get in trouble.

HA HA HA the universe points and Laughs at my mortal mommy will and says "You will be wrong! "

Well, I am in the shower the hot water soothing my aching muscles and I start my ritual of the speed wash and shampoo... I hear Lance laughing and I am happy he is deep in Olie's world.  I wash my hair and put creme rinse in and start to slather my legs with shaving cream. and its quiet in my room. If you have has children you know quiet means one of 2 things... one they fell asleep and you can relax or .......

Oh hell they are into something they shouldn't be and they are gonna be in trouble!
Relaxing will be off your personal menu for quite some time.
I call Lance from the shower and  get no answer. No pitter pattter of little feet, nada.  I call again a little louder.
 "Lance baby, has fishy had her babies yet?"  
No answer Ok.. time to go check.. now please remeber that my whole entire shower takes only 17 minutes.. I have just hit the 10 minute mark. I grab a towel and get out of the shower with my legs covered in shaving cream and my head sticky with cream rinse.
I look in my bed ..   No Lance.  
I look in his room..  No Lance.
Oh hell... I know where he is, and I don't wanna know. .. he is in the only room left.. the kitchen...

I walk in and there is my pint size little angel on his steppy stool, looking at my fish tank..
There is an open can of coffee on the counter and once again I cant see my fish...
Why cant I see my fish? Because My son has poured a full can of coffee into the tank and the water looks like brown mud.

A phrase I would become VERY accustomed to yelling , sighing, crying and just repeating over and over was born that day.
" Oh Lance what did you do?!?" 

My poor Fish is Zipping around the tank at speeds never meant to be reached by a fish in a 10 gallon tank. The Pleco is climbing to the top of the water line.  My Goldfish is looking like a crack addict. I sigh and tell my son to go back and watch olie while I try to save my poor Fish.    

An Instant stew recipie

so I needed to make dinner and have it done in under an hour.  I had chopped meat out for making meatballs Open up the cabinet and find i am out of half of the ingredients. Then decided to make tacos only to find we had no corn meal for shells and no money to buy ready made ones.. OK now what .. its cold out I am not grilling burgers.  The lightning bolt of inspiration hits me..
Chopped chuck,   canned mixed veggies,  and canned potatoes and finally Heinz gravy and you have instant stew..
It came so good I decided to share my new recipe with you.

1 onion sliced thin
2 lb chopped chuck
4 cans diced mixed veggies
3 cans of potatoes
4 jars Heinz beef gravy
salt pepper and seasonings to taste

brown the onion,  brown the beef , ( takes a total of 15minutes )
drain all the cans of  veggies put them in the pot with the onions and beef cook together for 15 minutes
pour the jars of gravy over the meat and veggies mixture and let simmer for 20 minutes.. serve with biscuits or noodles if you want I prefer it as is in a bowl.. dinner in less than an hour .. Who knew!?

Is it funny ha ha or funny oh no?

The other night my family and I were reminiscing about Lance's early childhood.  Trying to explain to Robin how every child make mistakes and learns differently. Robin is smart enough to know that Lance is much different than he is but doesn’t understand why. So we were telling him about Lance.  

One night when lance was about 4 he was just starting waking and was still wearing the SAFO braces. My husband and I were talking and I told him I needed to clean the fish tank. Lance still was only speaking sporadically at that point very few words and most of them only intelligible by me.  I was teaching Lance ASL so he would be able to communicate because of more than a few reasons and made the sign for fish and for cleaning so Lance would understand the conversation.  Ok so off we went to bed and sleep Lance was sleeping in a toddler bed and he woke up early. I was asleep because at the time Lance only slept for, at the most 4 hours, and every so often I would get so tired that I wouldn’t wake up before he did or worse I would sleep through him making the first noises of the day.

Then suddenly I get this 4 year old body flopping onto my chest and tapping my head.

“Momma, Momma, Momma  up, up, up...”

“Lance what’s wrong baby?” Come in bed and snuggle with mommy, I’ll put Olie on. You can watch Olie.  ( Praying that I could get 30 minutes more sleep.)

Momma, Momma, see, see, fis, fis!

See the fish??  

“I know baby the Fish are in the kitchen. We will feed them later, not now.” 

No no.   See fis, fis ( makes the sign for clean).  He is very excited.

Now I am all squinty eyed and blind as a bat minus my glasses, but kind of awake. “I know I have to clean the fish tank but they are ok Lance, they will be fine till I clean them.”

“NO Momma See Fis, Momma ( makes the sign for clean again)” He slips off the bed and runs to the kitchen, and comes back with two hands full of soap bubbles. Now my mommy instincts are on full alert. 

Lance where did you get those bubbles??

Lance is smiling and as he flings the bubbles all around very happy. He makes the sign for Lance an L pressed up against his Heart and the sign for clean and calling me as he runs back to the kitchen.

I jump out of the bed and run to the kitchen .

I CANT SEE MY FISHTANK!!!

ALL I SEE IS BUBBLES!! Tons and tone of bubbles!

I look down and on the floor, in front of the counter are an empty bottle of dish soap a step stool and a sea of bubbles!

In a panicked and exasperated tone “Lance What Did you DO?!”

Lance is so happy and all smiles, he sighs and continues to smile. “Momma Fis the sign for  clean” and then he claps his hands so happy so proud.  He helped Momma.

My eyes are tearing and all that I can think of is my poor fish. I start scooping out bubbles and Piling them into the sink. I had five large angel fish and two somewhat large gold fish and a black and white Pleko.   As I am scooping out bubbles my hand brushed what I assumed was a dead fish. I scoop out the poor fish. It’s one of my 5 year old goldfish. When we got it,  it was only about one inch long now it was five inches and nice and plump. I love my fish.

Then the damn thing nearly scared me to death!

 It started flipping and flopping around in my hand it was still alive! I quickly put him in a pot of water and continued to search for the other fish .. Perhaps all the stuff  I read about fish and soap was wrong? Maybe I had super fish that could survive soap. Then I grabbed my angels one after the other .. All very, very dead..

Finally I pulled my last goldfish and the pleko out they were alive! Amazing! They survived the pits of hell and my little soap daemon!

It took two days of rinsing and a full change of gravel and equipment but my three little hero’s survived the super cleaning skills of a over enthusiastic 4 year old.

So how do you explain to a 4 year old that fish don’t use soap to get clean? You don’t, you make sure soap like everything else that may cause a hazard gets locked up and you tell him only Mommy can give the fishes a bath!

So Lances lesson was No washing the fish for mommy and Robins lesson was 1 Fish can die 2) brother doesn’t think of the consequences of his actions and 3) no matter what mommy says she still won’t kill you because brother is still here ! LOL

Till the next installment of,

 Is it funny ha ha or funny oh no?

Because I have more fish tails and pet stories to retell.

Love ya,

Later!

To Play or Not to Play That is the Question?

My sons have very active imaginations.
Robin tends to be my little warrior out to kill monsters and evil doers. A true hero in the best sense of the word. Robin loves to be a hero but for him its a bloody battle filled with taunts and battles. Robins propensity for violence is so opposite of me and to how we are raising them it baffles me.

Lance is my fantasy boy he loves to pretend that he is  the best of many things. Some days he is the best chef, other days he is Nigel Marvin, the greatest naturalist ever in his eyes. He tries to be the charecter he picks and he always wants to be the best.  He sufferes from a infiriority complex of galatic proportions.  To be Lance is not good enough.

Lance and Robin have a curious relationship, they  are so unlike myself and my siblings that they leave me frustrated and confused.  Growing up my sister and brother and I were well behaved, we didn't fight, No Hitting each other.  We went everywhere together, heck Pete went on my first date with me..LOL.  Flora and I were confidants from the start although I didn't give her much choice. When she came home from the hospital the first night I sat next to her bassinet and whispered my secrets to her. We still tell each other everything we depend on the other to be there, and we are there all the time.   We are very close, even now we all live together and we talk every day. We fight but its tempered with love and mutual respect.  I am the oldest and Flora is the middle and Peter the youngest ( I suppose at 26 calling him the baby is pushing it LOL)  There are 8 years between each of us. We played together, we watched out for one another, and we backed each other up. We may have yelled at each other but we never hurt each other.

I can't say that the same is true for Lance and Robin, Lance has hurt Robin.  Robin has hurt Lance.
Its lopsided more of Lance hurting Robin than the other way around. Robin will take more abuse before he has had enough and then retaliate. The idea  that he has to defend himself against his brother really bugs me.
I tell them no hitting, no hurting your brother. No No NO .

True if someone tries to Hurt either of them the other will come running to his defense. I have had proof of that as Robin has punched a boy much larger than he is, and older and gave him a bloody lip,  for picking on Lance. Lance has shoved a girl out of the yard and told her never to come back because she made fun of Robin.  Now Robins retaliation was more violent, but Lance was up against a girl. Yes before you ask we subscribe to the old fashion notion of you don't hit girls.

If you watched my sons argue and fight through a day you would think they watch people fight all day. That my husband and I argue constantly. In truth in the 20 + years we are together we have had loud arguments only about 10 times and I am adding a few as a cushion because I think its even less than that.  We disagree but we don't fight about it.  We go off think about the others POV came back and discuss things.  Its one thing to say Italians are loud and argumentative and Puerto Ricans are the same as a collective people but our mish mash of a family just doesn't argue like that.

We are loud yes.
We like loud music,  loud talk and loud TV.
But we don't fight.  SO WHY DO MY KIDS FIGHT?

Why can't I teach them to get along? Why is what came so naturally to me and my siblings, such a big leap for my boys?
They can't pick a game to play co-operatively,  they cant talk about the same things without fighting. They argue about everything from TV to sleep.  What the hell am I doing wrong?