Is it funny Ha Ha or Funny oh no? Continued.. will it ever truly end?

Needless to say the funny ha ha or funny oh no, title is going to be used a bit.  Now, we are a very pet friendly house. We are all nature lovers, we have owned everything from snakes to birds but one pet we owned consistently from my childhood to today is fish. Currently we have three fish tanks running. One in my living room, one in my bedroom and one in the boys room. ( thankfully Lance grew out of the "lets help the fish stage")

Let us not confuse malice with a inability to express love and affection appropriately.  Lance Loves Fish. There was no malice, no mean intent in anything he has ever done to our pets. But Autism affects how a person expresses Themselves, love, fear, excitement all emotions get expressed differently than most people would expect. Autism hampers things like facial expression, touch, sensory and mental interpretation of those same things.   Lance thinks the fish are beautiful and interesting and amazing. He has told me so. Now at age 11 he is content to watch them swim and no longer tempted to touch, hold or hug them.  You may ask how do you hug a fish... Are you sure you really want to know?  Its still one of my more suqicky memories of Lances childhood.  Perhaps we will discuss the technique of hugging fish another day I am not sure I am up to recalling it today.

Now 4 was was a pivotal year for Lance it was the first year he was truly able to explore on his own. Unfortunately he wanted to be Jacques Cousteau and explore the depths of the fish tank!
As a mother there are few things that are treasured as a shower! At the time we were caring for my grandmother and between my g-mom and my son.. Well lets say showers were in short supply.  

This day I learned my lesson about showering when alone with Lance.  

 "DON'T DO IT!"

No matter how much you want a shower do not attempt it until your husband gets home its just not worth it!  I was tired, achy,  sweaty and I really, really wanted a shower. So I plotted and planned,  I took out Lances' Sit and Spin and put it in the open doorway of the bathroom.  I took out the Rolie Polie Olie tape popped it into the player and got Lance a bottle and a snack.  The Olie tape was the one where Olie gets to bring home the class fish and take care of it over the "Springy Time Fun Break." Yes to answer the question someone out there  must be asking Yes I remember that much about Olie.

All is in readiness so I tell Lance that I am going to take a shower, and tell him to stay put and watch Olie, Ill be out in a few minutes.  I am a master of the 10 minute shower. But I wanted to shave my legs and Olie is a 30 minute tape so I figured what the heck Ill shave my legs it only adds 7 minutes to my 10 minute shower and Ill be out long before its over and Lance has a chance to get in trouble.

HA HA HA the universe points and Laughs at my mortal mommy will and says "You will be wrong! "

Well, I am in the shower the hot water soothing my aching muscles and I start my ritual of the speed wash and shampoo... I hear Lance laughing and I am happy he is deep in Olie's world.  I wash my hair and put creme rinse in and start to slather my legs with shaving cream. and its quiet in my room. If you have has children you know quiet means one of 2 things... one they fell asleep and you can relax or .......

Oh hell they are into something they shouldn't be and they are gonna be in trouble!
Relaxing will be off your personal menu for quite some time.
I call Lance from the shower and  get no answer. No pitter pattter of little feet, nada.  I call again a little louder.
 "Lance baby, has fishy had her babies yet?"  
No answer Ok.. time to go check.. now please remeber that my whole entire shower takes only 17 minutes.. I have just hit the 10 minute mark. I grab a towel and get out of the shower with my legs covered in shaving cream and my head sticky with cream rinse.
I look in my bed ..   No Lance.  
I look in his room..  No Lance.
Oh hell... I know where he is, and I don't wanna know. .. he is in the only room left.. the kitchen...

I walk in and there is my pint size little angel on his steppy stool, looking at my fish tank..
There is an open can of coffee on the counter and once again I cant see my fish...
Why cant I see my fish? Because My son has poured a full can of coffee into the tank and the water looks like brown mud.

A phrase I would become VERY accustomed to yelling , sighing, crying and just repeating over and over was born that day.
" Oh Lance what did you do?!?" 

My poor Fish is Zipping around the tank at speeds never meant to be reached by a fish in a 10 gallon tank. The Pleco is climbing to the top of the water line.  My Goldfish is looking like a crack addict. I sigh and tell my son to go back and watch olie while I try to save my poor Fish.