What to do?

How do you tell your child who is exceptional that it is ok to exceed everyone’s expectations?

Why would I be asking this question?

Well I had an interesting day yesterday; Robin my little master of the universe had a visual perceptual appointment yesterday to determine if he is dyslexic like Lance. Turns out he is disgraphic not dyslexic but that is fine. He exceeded in all things the grading level for his age range is between 1-10. A 1 having the visual receptiveness of an infant and 10 being what every 1st grader should be able to do. After that it is 2 points for every grade level.  Robin only graded low on 2 or three things one was math and the other had to do with hand eye co-ordination and visual tracking.  The rest he graded at or well above his grade. Up to a 5th grade level.  I know my son is smart but this was terrific. I have no doubts that he is able to do and understand more than anyone expects but the 5th grade level was amazing!

So why all this detail? Because the gentleman doing the testing asked Robin about reading at home he said he doesn’t read at home (BTW, not true not reading in my house is like not breathing. If you dont do it you die). When asked why he doesn’t read at home he told the gentleman that he doesn’t read so that his brother Lance doesn’t get mad at him for doing better.

Robinin and Lance are brothers in the best sense of the word. Robinw ill defend Lance to the end of time. He will fight all comers until he has wiped them out, he LOVES Lance. He will protect Lance even from himself. Begging when Lance loses control for him to not hurt himself. Lance will fight to save or help Robin. He hates when he gets picked off because he is little. He holds and hugs Robin when his feelings are hurt.  If Robin is scared or hurt, he comforts him. Saying sweet things to him so he feels better. He Loves Robin but from my point of view its conditional from Lance to Robin, not the same from Robin to Lance.  But they are still brothers in the worst sense of the word as well. They fight, they say the meanest things, and they are hurtful.  They say things to hurt each other. Something I don’t have experience with especially when it comes to my siblings.  Even when we fight now we don’t say things to hurt each other intentionally with real thought in it. But my two do.

Remember Lance is 11 soon to be 12 and has severe reading issues he only reads at a first grade level.

So how do I maintain the "superior" role of Lance as the big brother.  He is supposed to be more "knowledgeable" because of age or "experience"?  Can I do this and  still give Robin the go ahead to excel, to show the world just how smart he is? 

How do I do this and not make Lance feel yet again like less?  

How do I balance my boys, so both can feel worthy and exceptional?

How can Lance feel like he can be the big brother and not be smarter? 

At least not literally book smart because Lance is very smart in his own ways.  How do I make sure that Robin excels to his fullest potential? 

What do I do so that Robin doesn’t rub in Lances face the fact that he is better at these things. Things that Lance struggles with all the time. He will have to struggle with for reading and math the rest of his life. Having to constantly refresh and renew in his mind things that for everyone else once it is learned it’s kept in the mind and easily accessed.

How do I make sure that in a moment of anger or frustration Robin doesn’t look at Lance and say, “Ha like I would listen to you, your too stupid to even be able to read"

How do I deal with the potential Superiority / inferiority complexes that are staring me in the face? Then make them not happen!

Oh God what do I do? It’s so hard to balance the two of them.  I want them to grow up and be friends. I want them to love each other like I love my sister and brother. I want them to care for and be concerned for each other. I don’t want them to be in a constant state of competition. 

Or in a eternal power struggle. What am I supposed to do??

Any suggestions would be greatly apriciated.