Play Pretend....
We started out this journey with a child we were told would never walk, talk, hear, play or ever be in any way shape or form even remotely normal.
So we tried everything, we spoke to him constantly, we played constantly. We taught him sign language so he could communicate.
We were desparate and we tried everything. I realized early that he liked to watch TV. He interacted with the characters. He understood what was happening and could mimic some things. Through TV, and Movies I found a way into my sons head, we pretended. We pretended that he was Bob the Builder, Harry Potter, Rolie Polie Olie, Max and Ruby, Inuyasha, every cartoon that had a physical, verbal and mental use I used. With Bob the Builder it was "Can we do it, Yes we can. Can Lance show Mommy what he wants? "Yes he can.. now show me baby..." he would Put on his Bob hat and go to what he wanted and show me and then try to say it. It was fantastic.. Lance show me something the shape of Zoies dress.. (Zoie is Olie's little sister) and he would struggle and fight to get to a triangle shape and bring it back to me.
While that was fun and educational and very interactive. I never realized that in his head while he was doing these things he really thought he was Olie, Bob, Harry, Inuyasha and more.
As a baby after please and thank you in sign language, one the other first things he learned to say verbally was "I can't". I can't was his Answer for everything. It was frustrating for me and him. Because he really believed he couldn't, but would do the very same things he just said he couldn't as a character. Hind sight is a beautiful thing now I see that he viewed himself as less.
Not good enough not smart enough.. just Not.
Being Lance is not a good thing in his head. Unfortunately Lance is aware.. he has always been aware that he is different. Aware that he couldn't do things the other children could. When he was just 5 he came home from school crying yet again. He asked me to fix him. "Make me normal Momma fix me!" he demanded this so imploringly that I cried with him. He handed me his Bob the builder hammer screwdriver and level and cried.
I never made him feel like he was lesser. Nothing was pointed out to him that he was different. I never looked at him and asked why cant you do this or be that.
When his stutter was so bad that he could barely be understood by anyone including me I never blamed him. I would tell him .. "Lance baby my ears hurt today can you take a deep breath and say that again slowly so I can hear all of it?" It was never his fault that I didn't understand. It was on me, or what ever other adult was there talking to him.
Who did this? Why would someone make a child feel like they can never be good enough to be "normal". I can name some teachers, and at least one Principal that had a hand in my sons ego deficiency but more than anything its Lance himself. He sees that he is different he knows he isn't like anyone else. But whats worse he can't see that all people are different on a one to one basis. No two people are exactly alike.
Now that he is 11 the problem of pretend has gotten worse.
Sometimes I use it to get him comfortable with doing somthing new. (I am guilty of many things and using my sons Abilities and Disabilities against him is one of them.) He no longer pretends to be Bob or Olie. But Harry has hung around ( the family being fans of the books and movies hasn't helped that one) to be joined by Nigel Marvin ( The television naturalist), Chef Elric The best master Chef ( a Lance creation) and a few others. The problem with the pretend is that these "people" are Lances alter Egos, I don't mean that Lance believes he is that person literally but he believes in their success so much that he can do what ever they do. its a good thing and a bad thing, Lance is a faster learner when he plays pretend as Harry, he remembers every detail about dinosaurs or animals if he is Nigel Marvin and when he Pretends to be Master chef Elric Lance can cook he memorizes Recipes and can do all of the steps that nervous mommy will allow.
But there is a problem he My baby who is smart beautiful and perfect is never good enough in his own mind as just my baby.
We started out this journey with a child we were told would never walk, talk, hear, play or ever be in any way shape or form even remotely normal.
So we tried everything, we spoke to him constantly, we played constantly. We taught him sign language so he could communicate.
We were desparate and we tried everything. I realized early that he liked to watch TV. He interacted with the characters. He understood what was happening and could mimic some things. Through TV, and Movies I found a way into my sons head, we pretended. We pretended that he was Bob the Builder, Harry Potter, Rolie Polie Olie, Max and Ruby, Inuyasha, every cartoon that had a physical, verbal and mental use I used. With Bob the Builder it was "Can we do it, Yes we can. Can Lance show Mommy what he wants? "Yes he can.. now show me baby..." he would Put on his Bob hat and go to what he wanted and show me and then try to say it. It was fantastic.. Lance show me something the shape of Zoies dress.. (Zoie is Olie's little sister) and he would struggle and fight to get to a triangle shape and bring it back to me.
While that was fun and educational and very interactive. I never realized that in his head while he was doing these things he really thought he was Olie, Bob, Harry, Inuyasha and more.
As a baby after please and thank you in sign language, one the other first things he learned to say verbally was "I can't". I can't was his Answer for everything. It was frustrating for me and him. Because he really believed he couldn't, but would do the very same things he just said he couldn't as a character. Hind sight is a beautiful thing now I see that he viewed himself as less.
Not good enough not smart enough.. just Not.
Being Lance is not a good thing in his head. Unfortunately Lance is aware.. he has always been aware that he is different. Aware that he couldn't do things the other children could. When he was just 5 he came home from school crying yet again. He asked me to fix him. "Make me normal Momma fix me!" he demanded this so imploringly that I cried with him. He handed me his Bob the builder hammer screwdriver and level and cried.
I never made him feel like he was lesser. Nothing was pointed out to him that he was different. I never looked at him and asked why cant you do this or be that.
When his stutter was so bad that he could barely be understood by anyone including me I never blamed him. I would tell him .. "Lance baby my ears hurt today can you take a deep breath and say that again slowly so I can hear all of it?" It was never his fault that I didn't understand. It was on me, or what ever other adult was there talking to him.
Who did this? Why would someone make a child feel like they can never be good enough to be "normal". I can name some teachers, and at least one Principal that had a hand in my sons ego deficiency but more than anything its Lance himself. He sees that he is different he knows he isn't like anyone else. But whats worse he can't see that all people are different on a one to one basis. No two people are exactly alike.
Now that he is 11 the problem of pretend has gotten worse.
Sometimes I use it to get him comfortable with doing somthing new. (I am guilty of many things and using my sons Abilities and Disabilities against him is one of them.) He no longer pretends to be Bob or Olie. But Harry has hung around ( the family being fans of the books and movies hasn't helped that one) to be joined by Nigel Marvin ( The television naturalist), Chef Elric The best master Chef ( a Lance creation) and a few others. The problem with the pretend is that these "people" are Lances alter Egos, I don't mean that Lance believes he is that person literally but he believes in their success so much that he can do what ever they do. its a good thing and a bad thing, Lance is a faster learner when he plays pretend as Harry, he remembers every detail about dinosaurs or animals if he is Nigel Marvin and when he Pretends to be Master chef Elric Lance can cook he memorizes Recipes and can do all of the steps that nervous mommy will allow.
But there is a problem he My baby who is smart beautiful and perfect is never good enough in his own mind as just my baby.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Please tell us about your journey, be it in autism, physical disability, emotional disability or learning disorder.