The chocolate boy

Can a boy who is allergic to milk have a friend made of chocolate?

When Lance was 3 going on 4 he understood he had a very bad allergy to milk. He didn't know why but he understood that he could not have milk or chocolate or a lot of things everyone else was having.    He was newly enrolled in pre k and the first few weeks of school were spent in a series runs down to the school and back putting out " emotional fires" Lance did not have language enough to explain what scared him what hurt or set him off. He was like a live wire in a puddle sparking off unexpectedly. 

The teachers were reluctant to call me feeling that I would make it worse because I was a over protective mom according to one teacher.  I explained to them his difficulty communicating and that he used a mix of  sign and representative sounds and a very few words. They knew better than me apparently because they just could not make sence of his language. He was so frustrated it's not funny. 

He would come home red faced and crying every day, itchy and covered in hives. Every day a dose of Benadryl and some time under the turtle shell with his nebulizer till he could breathe was our new routine. When asked what was happining they had no answers other than he cried and would not play and then he would sleep and not wake up. 

Finally I put myself in the class for a full week they tried to have me removed but I would just come back. As I observed the class and helped Lance play with others and take his speech therapy and o/t I noticed he avoided certain children. He would laugh when they played with others but freeze up when they came near him, lunch was a challenge because he was put totally alone because of his allergy to milk and even the kids with nut allergies were not so separated.  When I pointed this out to the teachers and para they insisted that he would throw a full out tantrum if he was put with certain children so they just let him sit alone. 

The children he was avoiding were all children of color!  I was very puzzled by this we have many friends of color ranging the spectrum from black enought they shine blue in the dark to cafe au'Le to Chinese and Puerto Rican ( my husband Is light skinned Puerto Rican but some of his family is dark too) and even more.. Why is this suddenly a problem. 

I sat and was talking to Lance softly and slowly.  

Why was he avoiding the boy who would smile and wave to him every day.  

Lance signed no friend no more! 

Why?

Lance signed chocolate

And he rubbed his arm and made a choking sound.

"Baby he doesn't have chocolate you can play with him it's ok" 

Lance shook his head rapidly signing and saying " NO NO I hurt mommy no I hurt"

Now my mind is racing how is he hurt? Who hurt him? How do I figure this out? 

"Lance are you afraid of Brandon?  Did he hurt you?" 

Lance tells me not the chosen one not parev... Now I am really confused,  The Chosen One is one of my brothers best friends Maurice he is the uncle Lance chose he made his own sign for him and all and adding parev the word for milk free foods in Yiddish is a weird combo.  Maurice is a handsome dark skinned young man who can melt anyone's heart with a smile. But what has he got to do with parev? 

So I asked lance one more time why he wouldn't play with Brandon he looked at me so frustrated and signed he's not parev like the chosen one! 

He's not parev? How can a person be Parev? 

I grab the teacher and ask her if they were paying before the tantrums got really bad. And they said yes but they had to separate them for lunch because Brandon always brings chocolate milk to school.  One day Brandon spilled the milk all over and they told lance to stay away from him he had milk on him. Then suddenly the light bulb went off 

You told Lance he was coverend in chocolate milk! 

Yes? Why? 

You told a 4 year old allergic child that his black friend was covered in chocolate! He took you literally and thinks all the kids who are of color are made of chocolate now!! He thinks your trying to kill him by making him play with chocolate children. Milk can kill him and he is in a class full of children made of chocolate. 

It took me two weeks to make lance understand that Brandon was not made of chocolate but really made of skin and bones and he could wash off any milk that was on his hands and mouth from lunch and be able to play with him. He thought Maurice really was special because he was made of parev chocolate   because he never had a allergic reaction to him ever. While my efforts did not eliminate the tantrums they did make it so he did not come home every day covered in hives and in a asthma attack because of crying all day.  So yes a highly allergic child and make friends with a chocolate boy and live to tell the story.